I need help removing her.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize