You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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