oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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