i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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