it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Semen is not good for contacts.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
