I didn't shave. On purpose
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
