So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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