I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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