I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
