Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize