we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
