If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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