just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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