Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
