I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Randomize
