i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
