i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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