party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
