did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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