Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize