last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
