Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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