omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
