I can feel you judging me through the phone.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
