Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
