did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i would one night stand the shit outta him
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
