to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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