apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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