Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Randomize
