yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Randomize
