i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize