Who did Billy Mays play for?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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