I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
