standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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