somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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