Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
