I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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