At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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