I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I faked an abortion last night.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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