my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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