I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
