A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
