she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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