Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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