I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
