i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
only you would photoshop your dick
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
