i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
