the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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