Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
