we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
