Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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