It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize