is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
