Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
