Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
