my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
