You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
