Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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