You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
