I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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