he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
