ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
please come you make the beer taste better
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
