I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
