my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize