remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
