I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize