I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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