After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
