I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
