Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize