therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
