i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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