Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
